Why Hollywood Loves to Hate on The Big Apple

I’ve lived near NYC for two years now, and I’ve been a New Yorker all my life. I gotta tell you, we’ve been through a lot on the silver screen:

Alien Invasions

Avengers

Terrorist Occupations

Batman Dark Knight Rises

More Alien Invasions

(do I really have to give a title here?)

Ridiculous Global Warming Catastrophes

 Zombie Invasions 

And now, we have another Alien Invasion. 

Man of Steel

Don't give me that Metropolis or Gotham crap, it's NYC but with another name. (Ok, Gotham 

was definitely based on Chicago in Dark Knight, but look at the cityscape in DKR. It's so Manhattan and the Lower East Side.) 

I'm starting to feel like those Thebian citizens in Disney's Hercules.

"It was tragic, we lost everything in the flood. Was that before or after the Zombies? After, I remember, and before the Aliens. Don't even get me started on those Mutants next door. And the cicadas are on their way up from the south." 

Fucking eh. But then again, there's something about destroying a whole city, and not just any city, one of the biggest cities in the world. It's like in 2012, when California slides into the sea, there's something so satisfying about destroying NYC. It's the place to crush in these fictional planes. 

And, man, do they crush it in Man of Steel. By the end of the movie, the Kryptonian invaders obliterate at least six blocks. Obliterate, as in totally flatten it, there's nothing left. 

Some might say that this is over the top, and it contradicts the essence of Superman.

USA Today’s Claudia Puig says:

Hours before Kent is introduced to newsroom staffers, one of them proclaims: "They saved us." Yes, but they — Superman and the military vs. Zod and his merciless Kryptonian acolytes — ruined huge swaths of the city and laid waste to scores of humans. Clark was raised by the Kents to avoid violence. Jor-El exhorted him to help others accomplish wonders.

So, all this havoc does not befit Superman, the legendary man of ideals whose mission is to save humanity.

But doesn’t it though? Let’s think about it, the Kryptonian invaders are much more stronger than us humans: physically awesome in every way (except that little atmospheric problem) and having technology centuries ahead of us. Their impact would have this devastating impact on us. So were all of these incredible action sequences of destroying everything in sight, from IHOP to multiple Metropolis blocks, necessary? Yes, if an advanced alien life form of such strength attacked us, it would be similar to this.

And, I'm not the biggest Superman fan, but Henry Cavil fucking rocked it. He was human, as Superman was raised to be. There's this tension throughout the whole movie between the goody, "oh golly-gee, madam," superman that has been upheld since the beginning, and this more realistic quiet guy who does what he has to get by without being detected- even if it means bending a few rules. Like stealing clothes out of an open car when his clothes were falling off, they were so beat up. Or killing General Zod in the end when he proved that he would continue on this murderous rampage otherwise.  

Superman, like many other super heroes, is about the restraint of power, the restraint of the power of one for the benefit of all. Clark has lived his life restraining himself from fighting back against all of the shitty circumstances against him. Bullies, drowning school buses, or even (spoilers) the tornado that claims his father's life. He has to watch his father die, forcing himself not to save him, so he won't be seen. Clark spends the whole movie taking beatings and he doesn't raise his fist once, except when the odds are even. Like when the Kryptonians come in to the picture.

Then he can't afford to hold back anymore, his whole world is at stake. Hence, all of the violence. We can always build another building. 

But then again, who do we hold responsible? The Aliens have been obliterated, but do we hold Superman accountable for his friendly fire within the battle? I'm not sure. Perhaps his continued community service will make up for it. 

Star Trek: Generations (The Movie)

 (spoilers)

“Oh my…”  -the last words of James T. Kirk 

I only watched this movie because I went into the videocassette cabinet to look for Seabiscuit and I came out with this. It’s one of those weird days where nothing comes out right.

Some context is needed before I start this. My mom is a trekkie, my roommate from my freshman year is a trekkie: my knowledge of Star Trek revolves around their commentary, the two J. J. Abrams movies, and me falling asleep to every episode my mom tries to make me watch.

And let’s be honest: I didn’t really follow this movie. I texted a friend and browsed through awful fan fiction to avoid actually watching it, it was cheesy and poorly written and there was no hook in the first fifteen minutes to keep me watching it. (Which tends to be a thing with most Star Trek movies with me, this is the third attempt at watching one that dates B.J.J.) It was the actors that kept me going. Whoopi Goldberg, William Shatner, Patrick Stewart, and Malcolm McDowell were the only thing interesting, so I gave it another fifteen minutes before I’d turn it off.

Two failed attempts of reading awful Twilight fan fiction later: the droid, Data, got the emotion chip, developed a terrible sense of humor (terrible in the sense that I wanted to throw things into the screen and then smother myself with a pillow), and some really, really ugly Klingons came into the picture. Like, bad in the sense of firing the make-up artist, bad. However, the situation made up for itself when the two officers (both female) gag at the sight of the human doctor on the Enterprise (a pretty female officer) for her bad-looks.

(Gagging noises.)

Ok, this movie now had the possibility of being a bad-good movie. After the droid passes out from laughing too hard it becomes a blur of ‘I don’t care anymore’ nonsense until Patrick Stewart fights Malcolm McDowell. That’s something that I have to watch, like a fucking train wreck of a movie this is. And all of a sudden, the missile goes off, the sun blows up (and there was some awful physics bloopers there that I won’t get into), and then everything blows up. Like, everything, everything.

Woah, woah, ok, this is fucking cool!

Unfortunately, there is a caveat, they don’t die, and they’re just sucked into an alternate plane. I found myself disappointed. Alas, there was only ten minutes left of the movie so I decided to stick it through.

Patrick, Jean Piccard or whatever, finds himself with his dream family, a mid nineteenth century family that give their children 1990’s toys for Christmas. Weird taste, if you ask me, but who am I to judge? I read fan fiction, Piccard probably reads Tolstoy or some other contemporary Russian literature. You know what? I take that back, he probably sticks to British lit. Anyway, he probably has a “finer” taste than me, whatever.

Anyway, after some things happen on horses and an argument with Shatner, James Kirk, Piccard convinces Kirk to help him out to go back in time to stop McDowell, I can’t even remember his name now, from fucking everything up in the first place. So that happens, Kirk dies, and Piccard saves the day once McDowell blows up. Big whoop.

Starfleet Captains don't really belong on horses, but who am I to say that?

Anyway, the movie ends on a sentimental note when the droid decides to keep the emotion chip. He finds his cat alive in the wreckage of the ship, Spot (who doesn’t have a single spot, maybe that’s a need to know thing), and cries because he’s so happy. “I think my chip is malfunctioning, I am crying, but I am so happy.”

Aw. Who can’t love that? A droid who’s cuddling with his cat, crying in happiness of finding it, it is the highlight of the entire movie, if you ask me.

All right, overall it’s an awful movie, but it certainly has its moments. I don’t recommend watching it unless you’re actually a trekkie or if you’re intoxicated.  Actually, probably being both is the best. It had undertones of moral lessons and conflicts presented by the human condition, as all Star Trek stories do, but these aren’t worth watching the whole movie for. Seriously, not worth the  money my mom spent at Good Will for the tape, but she likes it, so I guess that’s all that matters in my case.